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ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS: 5 SIGNS THAT SHOULD SOUND THE ALARM

ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS: 5 SIGNS THAT SHOULD SOUND THE ALARM, An abusive relationship is not recognized as blows and cries. To learn more about this thorny topic, we spoke with psychologist Caroline Cohen.

I am surrounded by smart people, strong and independent. Yet, many of my acquaintances have been caught in the net of an abusive partner. I consider myself a girl not too stupid, and yet I was already in the heart of a storm of relational which I left rather shabby. A-bu-sif. The word is scary, right? We imagine shots, shouts. Yet, it is often much more insidious. Violence can take many forms: physical, yes, but also verbal, sexual, economic or psychological. And it can cause as much damage as fists.

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Because no, even if popular culture tries to make us believe it (hello Fifty Shades of Gray !), Jealousy and control, these are not "cute" or "romantic" behaviors. Passion is not anger and screaming. Love is not about accepting the unacceptable. All this is unhealthy and harmful behavior that does not happen in a mature relationship, in which each partner can find the place to flourish.

For clarity, I spoke with psychologist Caroline Cohen ( carolinecohen.ca ) to determine some of the signs that characterize abusive relationships. Obviously, this is a complex subject that can not be fully summarized in five points. But, in any case, if you recognize your partner in one of these descriptions (or if you recognize some of your own behaviors) it is definitely time to question yourself about the nature of your relationship.

You may be in a toxic relationship ...

... if, at first, it's too good to be true

Abusive relationships, in general, all begin in the same way; that is to say, well. Very well even. A bit like fishing, you must know how to bait your fish before cooking it on the BBQ. "The abuser will first make sure to create a bond, an attachment. Then, abuse and manipulation will happen in a very insidious and very progressive way, says Caroline Cohen, psychologist. This manipulation may or may not be conscious, but it becomes more and more present in the relationship over time. "The beginning of relationship is always fun (or almost)! But if your new partner says and always does the right thing, when it needs to, if he wants you to get involved very quickly, if he always seems to want to please you, if he cares for you and gifts, if it is dedicated to you ... in short, if he still flatters you in the direction of the hair, ask yourself a few questions. Without being defeatist, usually, when it's too good to be true, it's too good to be true!

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... if you accept the unacceptable

In an abusive relationship, the victim may, by being manipulated, disempower his partner and forgive him for things that would not be forgiven by anyone in another context. From lack of respect to fits of jealousy to lies, anger, infidelity, problematic drinking and even beatings. "Yes, but it's because he likes it a lot ...", "Yes, but it's because he's really stressed, these days ...", "Yes, but it's because that he does not like when I ... "," Yes, but it's because he's depressed ... "... If you've ever heard an apology like that, there's maybe a problem within your couple. "The abuser will make sure that, regardless of the situation, the victim always bears the blame, which can create a lot of guilt at home.
... if you feel constantly devalued If your partner is constantly criticizing you and in his eyes, you are never up to the task, it should sound the alarm. No one is perfect, but in a healthy relationship, lovers have to pull each other up. "When we feel that we are always worse than the other, less intelligent, less ... everything, there is a problem of devaluation that can be problematic," says Caroline Cohen. Devalorization is not conveyed only by insults, it can also be an accumulation of constant criticism: you have not parked, the grocery has cost too much, you have returned from work too late, you do not want to have sex, you are not grateful enough, you have not responded to each of his (too many) text messages, you do not listen enough,

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